Thoughts on raising children

     I have to admit, I struggled on what write about for this post. So many topics, so many opinions, so many issues.    

     Recently a few of my FB friends posted the following link to their wall. http://www.foxnews.com/opinion/2013/01/08/are-raising-generation-deluded-narcissists/?fb_action_ids=10200322259844454&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582#ixzz2HgLHUlvj  

    To make sure that I soaked it all in I read and re-read the article. Let me start by saying that I do not disagree with the good doctor. As a matter of fact I agree with most, if not all, of what he is saying. I do believe that, in general, most kids grow up with a sense of self entitlement, that I frankly never knew growing up. I believe that my generation still grew up with the idea that you earn what you get and that nothing is just given to you. 

    That said here is where I have a problem with Dr. Ablow's article. He doesn't offer up any solution. Instead of stating his opinion on an existing issue and then following up with a recommendation; all he does is present us with the problem. I'm sure Dr. Ablow is a very accomplished Psychiatrist. Why not go out on a limb and recommend a course of action? Maybe recommend some tools to help young parents cope? Wait...it just a occurred to me that he may have a book that does, just that. Okay, I get it, the problem is free but the solution is going to cost you. Well played Dr. Ablow.

Soapbox alert

   Look, parenting is not easy. I know. I've tried by best to properly raise two children. How you raise your kids is none of my concern and do not pass judgment. However we live in a world where society does pass judgment and does think that it concerns them, relative to how we raise your kids. As much as I hate to say it, society does play a part on how I raise my kids, specifically on how I discipline them. Let me put it in context. Last Saturday during warm ups for my son's basketball game I shouted out to him, yes I shouted, to use the backboard. With a look of disgust, and in front of a bench full of parents, he waived me off as to say, don't bother me, I got this. Let that marinate for a second....What did I do? I, with the other parents, made light of it and laughed it off. What did I feel like doing? My inclination was to snatch my son off the floor in front of all his his teammates, drag him outside, and let him know to not do that again. My father would not have thought twice. 

    So back to the article. Here is what I try to do to mitigate against the self entitlement and narcissism.

Keep it real 

• I love my kids very much, but them liking me is not necessary as they grow up
• I'm not my kids friend, homie, road dog, or buddy. And I don't try to be. I'm there dad 
• I don't celebrate mediocrity and I don't pump sunshine. If the kids have a bad game, I tell them they didn't play well and offer objective recommendations on how to improve. If they play well it's high fives all around. BTW it bugs me to no end that trophies are given just for participation. 
• I don't coddle my kids. If they fall I tell them to get up, if they experience disappointment I ask them what they are going to do about it. (you can ask my daughter she'll tell you)

     I'm am not saying what I do is perfect or even right. It's the only way I know how. As I mentioned, every parent has a tough job in raising their kids, especially in today's information age and pressure that society puts on us. So special shout out to all my family and friends that are raising kids. Wishing you all the best. Good luck.

P.S
Update on the weight loss. Three weeks working out 3-4 times per week. Feeling good and hurting at the same time. But it's a good hurt. Will occasionally update with milestones.

Thoughts on fitness

    I'm going to make a promise and I intend to keep it. I promise never to post a "check in" at a gym, fitness club, or any other fitness establishment on Facebook ever again. That's not to say that I’ll never go to the gym again, or that I’ll stop trying to stay in shape. As a matter of fact I was at Limitless Fitness (personal training/boxing) earlier today and I feel great. It just means that advertising my visits to the gym on FB has not provided me with the motivation I thought it would, at least not the sustained motivation I was looking for. And to a certain extent all it says about me is that I’ll stay committed for a while and then quit. I'll address this later in the post.

    Before I dive into my personal fitness habits let me get this out of the way. I'm fat. Further to that point I am very well aware of why I’m fat. I have no illusions and blame no one but me. The bottom line is that I eat and drink too much and I'm not active enough to offset all the energy I consume. So my body does what it was engineered to do when energy can't be processed. It stores it. In my case, and in general, it stores it as fat. 

     Do I like being fat? I do not. Would I prefer to be thinner? Yes I would. Do I do the things necessary to be thinner and live a healthier lifestyle? I do not. Do I want to change that cycle of behavior? I really do. This brings me to the end of the first paragraph. What will it take to stay committed and to behave in a more active and healthier lifestyle? The answer is... lead the change in behavior rather than manage my current behavior. What I do now is manage my health and gym regiment, meaning that if my clothes are fitting too tight I change my eating, go to the gym for a month or so, start feeling good about myself, and then allow myself to get right back into the behavior that gained the weight in the first place. So what's the difference if I lead the change? The answer is that in leading I realize that I have the choice to break that cycle of behavior that allowed me to gain and maintain my current weight. Leading doesn't allow me to blame, work, family commitments, and I certainly can't blame school anymore. The bottom line is that I can't blame life, rationalize reasons, or make excuses. That would mean that I have no choice and I certainly do not believe that. 

   

   So what does this all mean to me? In 2013 I am going to genuinely make the choice to change my behavior regarding health and fitness. At 42 years old there is still time to be it the best shape I can possibly be in. For my part I am letting my trainer take a picture of me now and then one in 160 days. Scary but true.

    If I gain the results I am working to, I will share the pictures on this Blog. If not... well I won't. Sorry, my blog my rules. 

   Here is hoping everyone has a Happy and Healthy New Year!

My first post and thoughts on the Second Amendment

To start off the new year I decided to write a blog. I haven't decided if my post will be weekly or monthly. I find that it's better not to commit to anything unless you plan to follow through. For now, baby steps. I also didn't advertise to anyone that I was going to start writing this blog. I think it's better to take action rather than just talking about it.

In case anyone bothers to read this blog, I have a few caveats. One, I will do my best to maintain an acceptable level of grammar. As far as spelling goes...well if spell check can't bail me out I don't know what to tell you. Anyway, if you're the type that gets driven crazy by imperfect grammar please do us both a favor and stop reading. It's not my intention to drive you bananas. Two, these are my opinions and thoughts. Some opinions will be based on fact and most will be based on feeling and bias. The point is that they are just my opinions. There is a risk that you may get offended but again that is not my intention. This is just my vehicle to vent and not impose my thoughts in an other medium, like say...Facebook. So if you are sensitive to differing opinions I apologize in advance and you are free to click out of this blog at any time.

That said let's get started. Let's talk about the Constitution of the United States of America for a moment. I, like some of my family and friends, served in the US Armed Forces. We took an oath, during our service, to protect the Constitution from enemies, foreign and domestic. I willingly took the oath then, and still believe in it now. I think that aside from the American spirit, this document is the cornerstone of our greatness as a country.

That said, as a nation, I think we get caught up on what our rights are, and immediately take positions to defend those rights without much thought. This brings me to the Second Amendment which protects our right to keep and bear arms. I believe in this right and genuinely support it however I also believe that just because you have a right it should not allow you to lose your common sense. Just because you can own a 50 caliber machine gun, does it mean you should? Is it really necessary to own an assault rifle  just because your rights allows you to? Gun advocates say that guns don't kill people, that people do. So then what's the difference between a 22 caliber hand gun vs a high caliber assault rifle? At the end of the day just because you have a right to do something doesn't mean you should. Sometimes you need to stop, think, and just be smart.